Where You Sit Is Where You Stand

You might have heard the saying, “where you sit is where you stand.” Our views are shaped by our own experiences. Whether you’re a parent, a child, a frontline worker, or an executive, everyone sees decisions differently.

This dynamic is no different in athletics.

Early in my career, I was often a lieutenant, not just by rank but in how I acted. I worked hard, followed orders, and sometimes quietly disagreed with my commander’s choices or approach. Like many young leaders, I thought I would do things differently and better if I were in charge.

It’s easy to criticize from the sidelines when you don’t have the final responsibility. You can disagree without facing the consequences and miss the bigger picture. I didn’t yet understand the competing priorities, hidden pressures, and tough choices my commander faced.

You only see a fraction of the battlefield when you’re not the one making the final call.

The same difference in perspective exists between head coaches and assistants. Assistants only see part of the picture, whether it’s game plans, depth charts, recruiting, or the overall tone of the program. Even the most transparent head coach can’t fully share the responsibility or pressure that comes with winning or losing.

Being a head coach means taking responsibility for everything, from the team’s culture and results to staff relationships and unspoken expectations. It can feel isolating, and you can’t truly understand it until you’re in that position.

I first felt this change in 2015 when I became the commander of a cavalry squadron as a lieutenant colonel. Suddenly, there was no one else to critique or wait for. There was no buffer. Everything depended on me.

Every choice I made, from how I spoke in meetings to which missions I approved, shaped the organization. The environment I created became our culture. I learned that leading at the top isn’t about being perfect. It’s about making the best decisions you can with limited information and standing by them, even if results take a long time to show.

So what does this mean for assistant coaches—or anyone who aspires to lead someday?

First, focus on being the best assistant coach you can be. The best way to become a trusted leader is to do your current job well. Be reliable, open to feedback, and look ahead to what’s needed. Take care of the small details so your head coach can handle the bigger ones.

Second, start paying close attention. Watch how your head coach deals with pressure, conflict, and relationships. Notice what works and what doesn’t. Write down the lessons, both good and bad, that will help shape your own approach to leadership when your turn comes.

Third, keep in mind that real perspective comes from experience. You can’t truly understand what it’s like at the top until you’ve been there. Use your current role to learn as much as you can, instead of judging.

When it’s your turn, you’ll see leadership differently. The criticisms you once made will come back as you make your own choices. The pressures you didn’t notice before will now be yours. And your assistants will form their own opinions, just as you did.

In summary, as you move forward in your career, keep these points in mind: do your best in your current role, watch and learn from those leading now, and know that real perspective comes with experience. When it’s your turn to lead, your view will change and you’ll feel the weight you once only saw. So, when you finally become the leader, how will you stand?