Earning the Truth: How Leaders Set Conditions for Honest Feedback

I recently joined my friend Chris Kolenda in leading a client offsite at Antietam and Gettysburg. Standing on ground where decisions carried life-and-death consequences was a powerful reminder about the essential elements of leadership. It reminded me that success, whether in combat or competition, comes down to people, trust, and the culture a leader builds.

Thinking about those experiences, one topic we discussed resonated with me, since I personally struggled with it so often: how can leaders create an environment where team members feel safe giving honest feedback to their leaders?

That question means a lot to me, not only from my years in the military but also from my time working in athletics. In a combat environment or with a coaching staff, the situation seems to be the same: everyone says they want honesty, but few teams actually get it. There’s a big difference between asking for feedback and earning it.

At first, I thought the answer was simple:

1. Tell your people to be honest.

2. Respond appropriately when they are.

That approach sounds simple, but it doesn’t work. I said the right things and tried to set a good example, but I still noticed hesitation. Players, assistants, and staff filtered their feedback and told me what they thought I wanted to hear. I realized this wasn’t just about good intentions. It was about the culture. Real psychological safety needs more than just permission. It also requires a process to create the right environment.

Here’s how I see it now:

1. Model Vulnerability First

Don’t expect honesty from others unless you show it first. Admit when you don’t have all the answers. Own up to and share your mistakes. Ask questions. When a head coach or leader is humble, it helps remove fear. Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it builds credibility. It tells your team, “I’m still learning too.”

2. Find Your Truth Tellers

In every organization, some people naturally speak up. They aren’t reckless; they just don’t fear authority as much. Find these people and encourage them. Show everyone that you value their honesty. Over time, their example helps make honesty the norm for the entire team.

3. Listen to Understand (h/t Chris)

When you get feedback, take your time. Listen to understand, not just to reply. Repeat what you heard to ensure you understood it correctly. Ask questions. Try not to defend yourself or fix the problem right away. Sometimes, the best thing a leader can say is, “I hear you.”

4. Don’t Overreact

This is the quickest way to lose trust. If someone takes a risk to be honest and you react defensively or dismiss them, even in a small way, you show that honesty is risky. One bad reaction can keep a locker room quiet for months.

5. Celebrate the Behavior

When someone gives tough feedback, thank them. Let them know their courage is essential. Recognizing honesty encourages more of it. Whether you’re in a staff meeting or talking one-on-one, point out honesty. Culture grows when you reward it.

6. Act on What You Hear

Nothing builds credibility like taking visible action. When feedback leads to change, whether big or small, it shows the team that their voices matter. If you can’t act, explain why. Being open keeps trust and encourages more conversation.

7. Close the Loop

After you act, follow up. Let people know what changed, how it helped, or what you learned. Even saying, “That adjustment worked,” makes a difference. Closing the loop helps feedback lead to ongoing improvement.

When you follow this process —modeling vulnerability, rewarding honesty, and following through —you’ll see immediate benefits. You’ll get a team that feels greater agency and owns solutions. Trust will increase, and communication will improve. Most importantly, you will replace compliance with commitment. That’s what gives good teams a sustainable championship culture.

Leadership, whether in the Army or on the field, isn’t just about asking for feedback. It’s about earning it. It takes humility to listen, discipline to stay calm, and courage to act. When you do this, you build a team that trusts you to tell the truth when it matters most.

That’s when real growth begins, because the best teams aren’t built on comfort. They’re built on honesty, trust, and a shared drive to get better together.